Reflections

My wife Jenny is a beautiful woman, inside and out. We have known each other for ages, and has been my on –again-off-again lover for quite a while. She was even my forbidden love at one time. Distance set us apart, and she was the only woman I would have ever (and nearly did) cheat on my ex wife with.
She very nearly kept me from marrying my first wife, our forbidden love was about to be revealed when instead she took a job on the west coast. I was hurt, distraught and dismayed. She had explained it was for the best, what we had was imaginary, and was lust at best. I now know she simply could not break up what she believed was a good thing, so instead of face up, she broke my heart and moved away.
On her visits back to town we would often meet up for lunch or dinner, and on several occasions came very close to making my wedding vows. But we stopped short of anything each time, ending each night, sometimes LATE nights, with a simple hug. It was horrible.
Unfortunately I married my first wife for all of the wrong reasons. I was basically her safety blanket, the man she turned to when her first marriage failed, on the honeymoon no less. In short order she was living with me, and we were screwing like there was no tomorrow. She felt safe in my arms and I felt content in hers. We married only six months after her divorce was final.
Kendra and I were a lot alike. However, she clung to the first man that made her feel safe and I felt I couldn’t let her go into the real world alone. My family loved her and she loved them in return. Having come from a dysfunctional home, she felt like she had a family for the first time in her life. When Jenny walked out of my life, I turned to Kendra, and soon I was madly in love. Only in those brief moments when Jenny walked back into my life did I ever doubt my marriage.
Somewhere along the line Kendra changed. When she left I was beside myself. I didn’t understand how ill she really was, and when it finally dawned on me, I realized we had married for all of the wrong reasons. I realized it was best if she found herself, and grew up, grew into her own being. Our divorce was probably the strangest one ever handled by my attorney. An old friend, she is a cutthroat attorney, and was surprised at how Kendra wanted only the clothes she owned, the rest she wanted me to keep. It was crazy indeed, but Kendra was finding a fresh start.
And me? Well I discovered an old addiction. Before Kendra I lived for the thrill of the hunt, getting a taste of every wet pussy offered to me. Young and middle aged, experienced and inexperienced, beautiful and plain, I had no discriminating tastes. I simply wanted to fuck, and enjoy the fuck, and as soon as there was an attachment I did something to screw it all up. Kendra was the first one I didn’t do that to. Kendra was the first one I didn’t mind going to bed with each night. And I always felt Jenny was the same way.
When Jenny learned I was divorced she contacted me. She told me she still had feelings for me. And she came to visit for a week. She visited only me. And we once again spent several long nights in each other’s arms. It was just like the first time…
As a matter of fact the first time I saw her naked was during a drunken strip poker game. As with most games, we ended up naked anyway, just playing poker; however, Jenny was nervous about her body, was uncomfortable in her nudity. I ensured her I thought she was beautiful, and that I enjoyed seeing her naked. Later that night she pointed out a book that she thought was interesting. For some reason or another we ended up on the floor, she leaning against me, as we flipped through the pictures and stories in the book. My lips close to her ear pointing out an interesting story she turned and kissed me. It was a long passionate kiss, and then she went back to the book as if nothing had happened. But something clearly happened in my pants.
A few moments later we kissed again and slid to the hard floor. I suggested we move to my bed, and that was where we made out until we heard the birds chirping. It was several nights later, when we stripped each other naked and I took in her body once more. We fucked, missionary style, hard, fast, strong, clumsily, as if neither of us had experienced sex before. When it was over I rolled off of her, and slid the condom off. The only sound in the room was our heavy breathing. We lay there motionless taking it all in for quite a while.
She kissed my neck, and our lips met again. She slipped her fingers around my cock and after a lot of encouragement, and kissing, and petting, I was hard again. This time, instead of her nails scratching my back and digging into my ass, and instead of moans and screams of passion, she slid on top of me, guided my cock into her wet pussy, put her hands on my chest and we made love.
Our eyes locked in a trance; she slowly, smoothly made love to me. She whispered that she wanted to feel my cum in her, and we slowly made love for what seemed like hours. Our eyes only broke contact when I slid my hand up to her ass cheeks and thrusted hard into her and came even harder. Her body quaked against mine as she clenched around my cock, and then she collapsed onto me. We laid there for a long time, and faded into sleep.
We made love like that again quite a few years later on our wedding day. This time the doors to our balcony were open as we listened to the evening rain fall and the waves hit the beach. We made love, slow, and long, a love requited at long last.
She had come back specifically for me, having left her job. It took only several months before we decided we would sneak off to Jamaica for a private destination wedding. When we returned her old boss called her. They wanted her back, and were willing to let her work from home if she agreed to come out to the office at least one week a month.
Her travel schedule is even more hectic now, but we love each other deeply…

But I wonder. If we are so madly in love, why did I cheat on her? And I’m not sure what worries me more; that I cheated on her, or that after I cheated on her I only wanted to make love to her more?